Let's take some time to laugh

I noticed that my posts have been getting increasingly serious over the last month, so I figured it would be a good idea to use my jazz hands to create one a bit more light-hearted. In one of my recent posts, I mentioned the “origin of Asian peoples” as understood by my Tanzanian friend. While that might be the most absurd idea I’ve heard (and the funniest; I laughed until I had used up all my “fasting energy,” then I was really tired), it isn’t the only one. Not by a long shot. Here’s some of the funny, bizarre, or ridiculous happenings of my last few weeks-

Let me start with the hilarity that is Tanzanian English. Just as we developed our American English with its profusion of slang and “y’alls”, Tanzanian English has become its own brand of fantastic. Some of the more common sayings include “I say!” (which has even infiltrated into Swahili as is written “aisee”), “somehow” (I will school you all in the proper use of this underrated word when I get back), and a ton of throwbacks to British English, straight from the source (referring to “Z” as zed, for example). Just last weekend, a friend of mine used the following excuse to back out of going to a disco- “I regret to inform you that I cannot attend for the fact that my heart is beating too high. It is because I have exceeded my doctor’s weight limit.” I still don’t know what he was talking about. Beyond the grammar issues, one common struggle that people have in speaking English as an acquired language is the distinction between “L” and “R” sounds. This is the perennial scourge of most Asian cultures (when I was in Japan, I saw one sign for “Best Raundry”) and there’s even a website whose name alone might be enough make you laugh: Engrish.com. This same phenomenon occurs here in T-Zed, just as I saw last week at the town market. Some enterprising soul had begun packaging sorghum flour into small packets, clearly labeled as “Ulezi (Sorghum) Froul”. It took me about five seconds to realize what “froul” is, and then I showed it to Jodi and we busted up, drawing looks from all the froul sellers. What’s really strange about the L/R interchange is that people even apply it to their own names; I have a student who wrote his name as Kafulela on one test, Kafurera on the next, and Kafurela the third time. No one seems to notice this except me. Some of my favorite days in class are those when we discuss anything in “parallel.” Oh yeah, the way they pronounce it is at least as funny as you are imagining.

Tanzanians, socially open as their society is, tend to be hesitant in trying new things as well as pursuing unorthodox lines of thought. You could explain it as a “this is good enough for everyone else, so why shouldn’t it be for me?” rationale. Over the last few weeks though, I’ve had the opportunity to see some friends and acquaintances attempt to be trailblazers, and it is usually hilarious. The first time was at my home, when two friends of mine came over. I have a simple “solar system” text that explains about the planets in some detail and has nice pictures, so I offered it to them to peruse. Some of the questions I got were tremendous. “This book says that one year on Mercury is 88 Earth days. Does that mean if I go to Mercury is will get old really fast?” “If Earth is spinning, why isn’t it windier? And if I jump really high, shouldn’t I end up in Mwanza?” To be honest, I loved getting asked these questions, not because of their hilarity, but because it means these kids are interested in learning, and can draw basic inferences (although the hilarity factor was also good).
A day later I went to Jodi’s place to prepare desserts for a sushi night we were having at Gayle’s place (that’s right, sushi in the middle of Africa; what?). We made a bunch of sweets, including lemon bars, mocha brownies, and those no-bake oatmeal peanut butter chocolate cookies. As we walked towards Gayle’s house, a little boy offered to help us carry the plates. When we reached her road, we gave the boy one of the cookies as thanks. The way he looked at it was timeless- imagine you’ve never seen a cookie before. Some strange foreigners give you one, and it’s weird, lumpy, a little squishy, and brown. Poor kid looked like he’d lost the raffle of life, and been given the worst possible prize. After several minutes being convinced that it was good to eat, the boy finally took the smallest nibble imaginable. Immediately, his eyes lit up, he looked up at us with a sort of awestruck grin, and then he just took off running. Who knows where he ran off to with that cookie..?
When we got to Gayle’s place, we helped out a bit rolling the sushi. (For those of you who are curious, we used canned tuna, canned salmon, and lots of cucumber, avocado, and mayonnaise). Eventually, two of Gayle’s friends from her school showed up, one of whom was the school cook. Apparently she wanted to learn how to make sushi, a fact which still confuses me. Anyway, she made a totally passable salmon roll, and then we all sat down to eat. Gayle’s friends looked so scared to try anything, in particular the wasabi-soy combo. It didn’t help that everyone kept telling them “now be careful this is really, really spicy!” In the end, they both ate about three pieces and said they were full. I ate somewhere in the range of 15, and then bombed on dessert. It saddens me to say this, but I actually ate so much food that when it was time to go, I physically could not finish my beer (its ok, I came back the next morning and laid it to rest). Obviously, I have decided not to fast on weekends. Jodi says this will make me gain weight if I keep fasting during the week. I told her that it’s ok, I need to build up a squirrel-esque winter coat before coming back to chilly North America.

Earlier that day, before heading to Jodi’s to make dessert, I’d been invited to the wedding of Mama Shukuru’s daughter, whose name is Shukuru (that’s how naming works here, it’s gnarly). I almost wanted to go and enjoy the festivities, but I know well how tedious they can be, so I opted to go cook with Jodi instead. However, I wanted to give Shukuru the wedding gift I’d bought, so I swung by the reception early to drop it off, and maybe swipe a few beers. No one was there, and nothing had been set up. I asked around, and they looked at me like I was crazy. “No, there is no wedding reception here today. Try the next hotel.” So I did, and there was a reception there, but for a different wedding. What are the chances? That’s nonsense. So I gave up hope and started walking towards Jodi’s, when off in the distance I heard the cacophony of a mobile wedding procession, car horns a-blarin’. Sure enough, within minutes I caught sight of the substantial caravan, which was heading right for me. As it began to pass me, I noticed some of my friends in the cars, waving and smiling. The third car was the bridal car, and there was Shukuru, wedding gown and all. Her car stopped, and she and I had a full conversation, there on the street. People further back in the caravan started looking to see the hold-up. Great, so much for escaping discreetly. I decided not to give her the present through the car window, that’s tactless yeah? In the end, I told her that I would try to make it, but as they drove off I realized I didn’t know where they were going. So much for getting some free beer…dang.

One last thing- today is my routine day to come into town to use the internet, but at around 9am a massive thunderstorm kicked up. I have a lot I have to do online (graduate school applications, ugh), so I was chagrined, but resolute to come down anyway. When the storm abated just enough, I hopped on my bike and tore down the dirt road and into town. Yeah, it was a dirt road. Yeah, it was soaked and muddy. No, my bike doesn’t have a mud guard. Yeah, it now looks like I might’ve had “an accident” of the non-biking variety. It’s embarrassing. Peace.